


Deep In The Shade Of Memory Lane

by Drarrymadhatter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:21:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23839795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drarrymadhatter/pseuds/Drarrymadhatter
Summary: When Snape discovers Lupin is to take the DADA position at Hogwarts, will they manage to leave their past behind them?
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Severus Snape
Kudos: 31





	Deep In The Shade Of Memory Lane

**Theme** \- Look at the inequalities in the class system within the Wizarding World. (Buzzwords - creature rights, influence, blood purity politics, sacred twenty-eight)

**Main Prompt** \- [Song] Lana Del Rey — Old Money

**Additional Prompts** \- [Quote] "the companions of our childhood always possess a certain power over our minds which hardly any later friend can obtain." — Mary Shelley, [Object] Photograph

**Word Count** \- 2009

* * *

**Deep in the Shade of Memory Lane**

**“The companions of our childhood always possess a certain power over our minds which hardly any later friend can obtain.” Mary Shelley**

Severus slammed the door furiously behind him as he strode into his chambers, his black robes billowing indignantly around him. The momentum of his stride took him into the middle of his sitting room, where he stood for a moment floundering in his fury.  _ Lupin! The fucking werewolf, of all people! A whole year with the man! That werewolf! Maybe more! _ He forced a slow, if slightly harsh, breath through his flaring nostrils and tried to centre himself, focusing on forcing his discontent into a box in his mind and firmly turning the key. Feeling more himself, Severus realised just how cold it was in his rooms. The dungeons were never the most cosy place to live, but this evening they were particularly bitter. Absently, he nodded at the fireplace and sighed in mild relief at the burst of heat that rose from the fire grate and filled the entire room with warmth. He didn’t know what he needed, but he definitely needed something, that much was certain.  _ A drink _ ! thought Severus despondently,  _ if in doubt, Firewhisky! _

He moved to the small liquor cabinet next to his desk and poured himself a healthy measure of Ogden’s finest. He takes a careful sip, and another, savouring the burning sensation in his mouth and throat. Feeling marginally more in control, Severus stepped briskly to his favourite chair, and settled himself comfortably. Merlin, he was tired. He rested his drink upon his knee and closed his eyes. The fire cracked and sparked around the logs within the grate and he found himself staring into the depths of the flames, as if the answer to his frustration lay within. He needed to think of a plan, it was one of the things he was best at after all. Otherwise, there was a very real chance that either him, or Lupin, or both, would not survive the school year.

A sudden firm knock at the door interrupted the path of his thoughts. A quick glance at his pocket watch informed him it was after 10pm - late enough to be considered rude in his book. Severus put his glass on the side table and strode to open the door.

“Lupin.”

Severus, may I come in?”

“I think that will depend on what it is you want, Lupin.”

“I think it would be best to discuss once we are inside.”

“I realise that, until recently, you have been indulged with unlimited leisure time. However, I am, as always, extremely busy. What. Do. You. Want?”

Lupin looked weary, but something like determination flashed in his eyes that reminded Severus of times long past. “I understand it’s late, and I’m possibly the last person you wish to see, but I must speak with you. I insist, Severus.”

Severus sighed resignedly and stepped back to let Lupin past into his chambers. Sometimes, he mused as he clicked the door closed, it was better get on with things and be done.

“Since you’re here, uninvited I might add, I dare say you would like to sit?” enquired Severus, gesturing to a nearby chair as he went to pour a firewhisky for his  _ guest _ . Briskly, Severus fixed the drink, and handed it to Lupin, before reclaiming his own drink and settling into his chair once again. 

For a few minutes, neither man spoke. The only sound within the room was the crackling of the fire. Severus was content to stay silent. He was not the one imposing himself upon a colleague, and therefore, Lupin would be the one to break the silence. He knew better than most that if one wanted information, the best way was to wait. Patience. Silence. It was disturbing just how often people scampered to fill silences, and within the waffle one could usually find gems of information. With this in mind, Severus suppressed a smile and continued to sit at his drink.

However, it became harder to keep his expression in check when, as suspected, Lupin finally began to speak.

“There’s no point in drawing this out, Severus. I just wanted to make sure there was no bad blood between us, and that working together for this year wouldn’t be as insufferable as I’m sure you could make it, should you wish to.”

Silence met Lupin’s words. The only indication that Severus had heard them was a slight narrowing of his eyes. Lupin puffed out an annoyed sigh and placed his drink on the side table with an audible clunk, before hefting himself out of his chair and walking towards the door.

“I had thought you might have grown up since we were kids, but clearly you’re as ridiculous as you ever were.” As he reached out for the handle, he paused, “I should have known better than to bother being civil. Merlin knows it’s certainly a foreign concept to you.” 

Lupin pulled the door open, but before he could step across the threshold, Severus’ voice halted him mid-step.

“Remus. Come back in and close the door.”

  
  


Severus waited until Lupin had sat back down before continuing, ‘You very clearly wanted to talk to me about something. By all means get on with it.”

“I came to clear the air, Severus. With everything that’s happened it seemed best. I know you still have some kind of feelings but -”

“I assure you I have nothing of the kind. The only thing I feel for you is annoyance that my nightcap has been interrupted.”

“For Merlin’s sake, Severus. You obviously harbour some kind of ill will. Understandable, considering our history.”

“And what history, pray tell, would that be?”

“For the love of Circe!” Lupin lurched to his feet in obvious agitation and began to pace back and forth in front of the fire. 

“Why the hell do you do this? Would it kill you to admit you feel something, anything? Even if it’s mere discomfort? By Godrick you’re a cold hearted bastard, always have been. Why I thought you would suddenly be any different is beyond me.”

At this outburst, Severus could no longer contain his resentment and stood up from his chair, his gaze boring into Lupins. 

“What in Salazar’s name do you want from me, Lupin? What? It’s not enough you’re here when you aren’t welcome. Not enough that you took the job that I wanted? No, you felt you suddenly needed to come to my chambers and accuse me of...what exactly? What is it I’m supposed to have done? I’ve kept my word, have I not? I’ve not been in contact, not spoken of you, not even thought of you in this entire time. I kept my side of the bargain, so what in the name of Merlin could you possibly want?”

By the end of his speech Severus realised he was yelling, spit flying from his lips as he enunciated every word, each syllable heavy with vitriol. He needed to get hold of himself and fast. He was better than this. Emotions were for the weak. 

As he struggled to regain his composure, he became aware that Lupin was standing in front of him, seemingly unbothered with Severus’ obvious anger.

“Severus, look at me.” As they made eye contact, Lupin took a step closer to Severus and placed his hands on Severus’ shoulders. 

“This doesn't need to be difficult. I didn’t come here to argue, or dredge up old wounds. I just wanted to clear the air. We’re going to be in close proximity, and we need to get along.”

As Lupin spoke, Severus was reminded of when they were younger, in love, and Lupin would talk him down from whatever ledge he had got himself on. He was the passionate, hot headed one in private, and the cool distant one in public. It drove Lupin insane at times, but no matter how frustrated he got at Severus, he never stopped being there, caring, loving. The memory of their old closeness rose like a phoenix from the ashes and wrapped itself around Severus, cocooning him in nostalgia. Slowly, he leaned forwards towards Lupin, giving the other man ample time to back away if he wished. Within seconds, their foreheads were pressed together, Lupin’s hands clutching Severus’ robes at the shoulders. He closed his eyes and revelled in the feel of the other man’s touch, if only for a moment. 

“I still have it,” whispered Severus desperately, “the photograph.” Slowly, he dipped his right hand into his robes and pulled out his pocket watch. Lupin looked at it warily, the confusion clearing from his eyes only when Severus turned the watch over and slid the back panel off, revealing a very old, but intact, photograph. Lupin peered closer and saw a young, carefree version of himself and Severus, arms around each other, happiness oozing out of their expressions. Love was evident in how they touched and clung to one another as they grinned like loons for the camera,

“Severus, is that “

“Yes. After...everything, I found it in my trunk and I couldn’t get rid of it. I tried. Circe knows I tried. But it was you and me. And I needed something...tangible...for the times when remembering was so damned hard.”

“Severus,” Lupin all but whispered, however anything else he would have said was lost as Severus closed the rest of the distance between them, swiftly taking Lupin’s mouth with his own in an urgent, scorching kiss. The next thing he knew, Severus had pressed Lupin up against the nearby wall as he plundered his mouth like a man possessed.

Seconds later, or maybe minutes, or possibly a few hours, Severus found himself pushed away, stumbling as if drunk until the backs of his thighs hit one of the chairs, his chest heaving violently with lust and confusion. He looked at Lupin and saw the man was similarly affected as he stood bracing himself against the wall with one hand.

“This, this wasn’t why I...why I came here,” panted Lupin. 

“Then why did you?” demanded Severus, feeling suddenly foolish and lust filed.

“I just wanted to make sure we were going to be ok to work together. This can’t happen. We aren’t...this...anymore.”

Severus took several steadying breaths before replying, “Remus, I -”

“No! Just stop Severus. This isn’t why I came here. You made your choice, ok! I wasn’t good enough. No money, a werewolf. It’s pretty difficult to be the perfect little Death Eater with a werewolf as your significant other, isn’t it Severus!”

“Remus, that’s not -”

“Oh? Isn’t it? Did you or did you not stand right in front of me and give me a bloody blue hydrangea and some bloody speech about money and blood purity and fucking bullshit values about what you can contribute and not what you feel? You stood there and blatantly told me I wasn’t good enough. That you wanted to go places, Severus, and that dating a werewolf was taboo, even for a fucking Death Eater. Tell me you didn’t say it!”

Severus stood in front of the other man struck dumb. He couldn’t deny it. He had said those things, right down to giving him the bloody blue Hydrangea. It had seemed like something out of a novel at the time, the great doomed romance. However, looking back on it, faced with Lupin’s obvious hurt and rage, he saw it for the snub it clearly was. Both men stood, eyes locked, chests heaving, neither willing to give in first. In the hearth, the fire crackled and sparked on.

  
  
  
  



End file.
